I’m writing a sex scene. What should I call my hero’s penis?
This is such a fun topic! First, allow me to provide you with a stellar reference guide–the Dicktionary. We’re talking A-Z of all things penis-related, people. What could be more fun to an erotic romance author than that?
If you glance through some of those terms–bean pole, Bald Monkey, Colossus–you might see a problem with using some of these terms in a book. Namely because it causes the reader to crack up laughing.
Good use: Ryan grabbed his erection through his jeans and gyrated his hips. “You want to meet Colossus?”
Bad use: Ryan poised at her pussy lips, his colossus throbbing against her swollen skin.
No, just no. You have to be really careful with how you use euphemisms in sex scenes. Publishers will put the brakes on many terms besides cock, erection, arousal, and dick. However, a lot of personal preference in readers will determine how you should use these words.
Good use: His arousal was long and thick, curving slightly to the left.
Bad use: “Slip your arousal into me, Ryan. I need you.”
No, just no. Women don’t say that, even ones on the page.
Personally, I get a little turned off at the idea of a “dick” in me. It sounds crass and not at all sexy. However, this is reader preference. So in order to keep my readers from feeling the same, my hero might call his Commando Snake Eyes a dick when joking with his buddy, but he would not whisper, “Suck my dick” to his lover.
What are your thoughts on the topic of the cocktapuss, earthmover, Louisville slugger, love sausage, Mr. Plumpy, one-eyed gopher, pleasure pickle, pointer, poker, pole, quick-shot Sam, red-helmeted love warrior, red rocket, rooter, shift stick, sexy serpent, taco warmer, wiggity wang, yogurt hose? I’d love to hear from you!
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