Today’s question is:
Will I write better if I’m sloshed like some of the great drunk authors in history?
If you don’t know any of the alcoholic writers I’m referring to, here’s an amusing list.
Occasionally people just need to sit back and sip a few cold ones to get the juices going. Or have a glass of wine before writing a sex scene. It loosens up the pistons, after all. But writing daily flat-out drunk equals trouble. Here’s why:
1. your liver–’nuff said
2. Do you really want your family pulling you into an episode of Intervention?
3. most writers hold down day jobs, and you can’t do those while drunk off your ass either
4. eventually your editor will realize all the typos and plot holes are more than a trend
5. Sure, Faulkner had a serious drinking problem throughout his life and also won the Nobel Prize for Literature. However, he did not drink while writing (save it for laters!)
6. poor health–writers have enough health problems (obesity, carpal tunnel, heart attacks, stroke, diabetes) without adding pickled liver to the list.
7. you know that amazingly hilarious text you sent while drunk? Writing is the same way. In the light of day, it looks different.
8. you know that hot guy you slept with while drunk? See above.
9. C’mon, folks. You have enough trouble getting those commas and quotation marks in the right damn place. Alcohol isn’t going to help with that.
10. Because your fingers will be 1 key off the whole time, and your manuscript will look like this: givl pgg
Thanks for reading, and stay sober until after you’ve shut down your computer!