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10 Insane Things to Take to Disney

Here are 10 items I might need at Disneyworld with 4 kids this upcoming week.

1. Scuba Gear–b/c I might need to escape into a shark tank. Possibly at a Nemo exhibit.

2. Tapioca pudding–acts as comfort gel in shoes

3. Fake blood–adds to the hollow-eyed zombie look on day 6 with exhausted children

4. Foreign coinage–Adds authenticity to my claim that I’m really from another country, not with my in-laws.

5. Michael Jackson sequined glove–outlines the middle finger best

6. Bandanna–Because you bet your ass I’m doing my own rendition of “It’s a Small World” in my best gritty Springsteen voice

7. A wand–preferably the Elder Wand so I can zap annoying people out of line. And send Dumbo flying for real.

8. My own tattoo needles–what better place to finally try my hand at ink? It’s a money-maker, I’m telling ya. Everyone is impulse buying anyway. Customers have their choice of Mickey holding a Solo cup foaming with beer or Tinkerbell in garters.


9. A falcon–I don’t have a cell phone, so if I’m separated from my group, how else am I to find them?

10. Hip Flask. For when I really lose my shit.

Hope you enjoyed! I’m very excited about my family’s first trip to Disneyworld. Thanks for stopping by!


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